Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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