Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
