i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
