i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
