I puked a lego.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
