Me. At least after what I've been through.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
