Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
