We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
