i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
