Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
