just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
