You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
