wrigley field is MILF paradise
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
