did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
