Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
