grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
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