Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
