Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
