She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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