My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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