Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
