woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
