i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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