xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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