She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
