this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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