I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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