In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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