in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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