I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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