i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
