Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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