I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
