The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
