What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
