Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
