so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
