Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
