i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
