so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
