the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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