And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
