R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
