nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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