Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
