Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
