shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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