My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
