So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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