I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
