How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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